Here is another one from Tamar, about heavily censored school plays.
Every two years we put on a school play. They would do the performance two nights in a row.
Obviously, the teachers would heavily censor the performance before it was approved, but also, mothers and other attendees (I think the word I’m looking for is “donors”) would deliver their feedback after the first night and the second night would be altered accordingly.
Despite the heavy censorship, it was always amusing to see what blatantly goyishe things would make it through, like songs adapted from Newsies and West Side Story, or lines lifted from My Big Fat Greek Wedding.
Things that were censored from the performance (some of these were removed prior to performance, some were removed after the first night due to audience complaints):
– Amazing singers were told, for the cast album, to tone down their singing because it was too good.
– One dance featured women and “men” [women who were clearly supposed to be representing men due to their baggy pantaloons and fake beards] dancing together. They were told that it was inappropriate to feature mixed dancing.
– One dance took place in front of a backdrop of the Beis HaMikdash. This was considered inappropriate and on the second night the backdrop was raised before the dance started.
– The words ‘pimple’ and ‘zit’ were banned and replaced with ‘blemish.’
– Play was scrubbed of mentions of college.
– One scene in the play was about the power of Tehillim. By the second night lines were added because the original on-the-nose dialogue just wasn’t getting the message across as intensely as they wanted.
– One scene in the play featured a mother who was so overwhelmed that when her child came to show off a drawing, she snapped at them that she was too busy and stalked off stage, leaving the child on a dark stage with a spotlight on them, plaintively asking the audience who would look at their picture? Apparently this just hit waaay too close to home, because by the second night a scene was added to soften the blow, something like the mother returning to see the picture and making things right with the child.
So basically, if you thought your teachers were crazy, nah. They were just anticipating the crazies in the audience.
Well, to be honest, trolling a Bais Yaakov play has got to be one of the few joys of attending it. I think I could actually take this up as a hobby.